Pick me coach!

Well if this whole Cutler drama hasn't shown me the result of ego I don't know what would. Stupid as it may sound, I had to 4th step this scenario. Out of the gate I was down right mad at this budding young star for not accepting what his coach was trying to accomplish for the betterment of the team. I felt I had perfect right to since I'm a season ticket holder. "That little punk is gonna screw up my Broncos! Where does he come off with this temper tantrum? This brat thinks he is bigger than the team and better than Elway!", I have been saying like it was as important as food and air. In shock about my behavior my better half said something I have heard before but conveniently forgot in this case. "Often what we don't like in others is really what we don't like about ourselves", she said. AAAAAGGGGGHHHH, now I was really mad! Dudes don't like it when their wives are right, especially about football. But there it was, like it or not.
My mind was brought to two things about my own life which ashamedly I have to admit are a bit Cutleresque. First, my job has had me in a resentful funk lately. We just had our reviews and all my superiors could say was wow, great, terrific, excellent and model employee. BUT......in light of the current economic climate we are having to go with an across the board pay freeze. POW right in the ego! I told them, "Don't claim salary woes when we all know how much dead weight exists around the office." "Cut them and pay your stars before you loose them", I told the personnel director. Oddly, that didn't get me the raise I felt I deserved. My ego actually began to suggest that others misfortune is what I needed to feel valuable to my company. Now, I feel sick when I think about how they would feel to loose their income in this economy. The company may need to do it anyway irregardless of what I said.
Second, I have spread this discontent and whining around my home group. I am wrongly justified by the search for answers as to why I am so unfairly treated. Just like the rest of the country, we have members of the fellowship who are under and unemployed. With my feelings about multi millionaire Cutler I can only imagine how much resentment I have generated amongst the characters I call my new family. After these ego shots I know that there is a way out and that way is service. So, I've signed up to volunteer for a local charity that could use my culinary skills to help feed families who have fallen on harder times than not getting their raise.

Fish

Sober St. Patrick's day #2

No great wisdom to share here but I just wanted to tell about a miracle. This alcoholic mic has just went through another St.Patrick's day clean. I actually went to the pub and laughed with my friends. I went there with another one of OUR friends rcali4233. The obsession of the drink was not there but it was nice to be there with another sober alcoholic. Strength in numbers. Thanks RC.
O'Fish

Fishstyx: Sober St. Patrick's Day Servie To Others

Fishstyx: Sober St. Patrick's Day Servie To Othershttp://www.stbaldricks.org/home/referral.php?Ref=L3BhcnRpY2lwYW50cy9zaGF2ZWVfaW5mby5waHA/UGFydGljaXBhbnRLZXk9MjAwOS0zMzQ3NDY=

Sober St. Patrick's Day Servie To Others

This is my big hair I've been growing since last St.Patrick's Day. Why post this Nick Nolte like mugshot of myself? I am just getting the word out about a fundraiser I'm doing called St.Baldrick's Foundation. I have been doing this event for 3 years in honor of my mom who loved kids and died from cancer. Participants raise awareness and money for children's cancer by shaving their head. In my drinking years I showed off my Irish heritage on St. Patrick's by getting insanely drunk. In fact, one year I thought it would be a good idea to mix it up with my best friend. The result was a broken wrist and a friendship that is still mending. Last year marked my first sober St. Patrick's Day and my bald dome was a much more fulfilling expression of my Irish roots. If you are so inclined to help me with a TAX DEDUCTIBLE donation please visit the link below. Mostly, please include the afflicted children and families in your prayers. I am thankful each day that my children's health is not a worry for me.
Thanks,
O'Fish
http://www.stbaldricks.org/home/referral.php?Ref=L3BhcnRpY2lwYW50cy9zaGF2ZWVfaW5mby5waHA/UGFydGljaXBhbnRLZXk9MjAwOS0zMzQ3NDY=

Why Can't Sobriety Be Like The Matrix?

I asked my sponsor today why can't my sobriety be like The Matrix? I am frustrated right now because I have a ton of willingness and desire to have emotional sobriety but no idea how to get it. As a child of the rapid information transmission age I am quite impatient for the changes I think I need and want. In The Matrix, our young hero Neo would find himself in a jam and just call up for a program to be downloaded into him. He would just sit there and twitch as he was programed with helicopter pilot instructions, kung fu and any skill he felt was lacking at the moment. If he wanted I'll bet he could have become more musically gifted than Mozart. I think of this and pray, "God just get in my brain and fix it so I can be happy, helpful and useful for all the loved ones in my life." Want to know what the problem with that is? I'm not a computer. I'm a human that was made just the way He wants me. My brain may be computer like but I have been given a soul which learns through real life experience and contact with God. A computer can display images of beautiful scenery, but it never smiles and weeps over the pure beauty of a sunset on the Rocky Mountains. A computer can describe how the game of soccer is played or show diagrams of the perfect softball swing. But that computer will never feel the exhilaration and joy as my little girl puts the ball in the back of the net or makes effortless contact between bat and ball. A computer can go to utube and show a reel of Swan Lake, but it would never have a single tear as my baby girl beams and prances about in her tutu. A computer can help you find a date on match.com, but it can never feel the butterflies in the pit of your stomach as you lock eyes with your soul mate from across the room for the first time. A computer can help you write and find the right words to say for a eulogy. However, it definitely can not publicly display the emotion of pain for a lost mother. To have these wonderful gifts one must be human. Slower processes but infinitely greater gifts. Today and every day I need to pray for the patience required to learn in God's time and on his terms.
Fish

Outward expression of an inward desire

This is my new tattoo! It says, "We will not regret the past nor whish to shut the door on it."p.83BB The reason I chose this phrase and symbol is because the circle/triangle is exactly the same as my fraternity in college. Some of my most storied drunkalogs took place at this time. When first starting AA I really regreted those lost years. Now I am thankful for them because it has put me in a unique position to 12 step two of my fraternity brothers(and hopefully more). Also, it turns out my new sponsee went to college with me but we never knew it. All of it has allowed me to be of service in His plan. The results of that have been far greater than any I have tried to direct all on my own.
Your greatful drunk frat boy,
Fish

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater

Yet again I have been away too long. My in laws have been visiting my family and company seems to take away all free time. This trip for them was my first opportunity to work my amends with them. I didn't come right out and say, "I'm on a new path with the help of AA and I'm sorry for any distress I may have caused you knowing your daughter was married to an alcoholic like me." (However, that is how I played it out in my head in one long run on sentance:) They were aware that I was going to meetings and had been sober for just over a year, but that was about it. I thought the best way for me to show them that things were better now, for their daughter and grandchildren, was to be subservient and subdued as best as I could be. Unfortunately, that's not my normal demeanor and basically not me. My father in law was up every day early having coffee as I proudly raced off each morning to home group. "Again? You just went yesterday", he said surprised but not condemning. I was so greatful to show proof of how dedicated I was. He probably didn't think twice about it, to this drunks disappoitment, because it's not all about me. As their visit went on we got to talk about my kids and what issues and challenges they had. I expressed great worry about my oldest daughter because I see too much of myself in her. She is always intense and trips over herself trying to make sure everybody approves of her. He said, "That's O.K. you two are intense people but look at what gets done because you guys are that way." He put his hand on my shoulder and added, "This world needs people like you in it!" I smiled and walked away because my eyes welled up with tears of relief. From that point on I came out of my self imposed shell to show all the extroverted, gregarious sides of my personality. Several laughs ensued amongst us after that. When their trip ended and we were shuttling them to the airport he turned to me in the car with a smile. "Tony, I want to wish you continued success with your group class thing you are involved with", he said in his most proper baritone voice. After they left I thought long and hard about all of the things that I have been trying to throw out for fear that everything about me was a character defect. Maybe that has been my problem all along. I have been the one deciding what is a defect instead of letting God decide. I'll try and have faith that He will let me know what is of value and what isn't. But mostly, how best to use it in service to Him!
Love ya miss ya
Fish