I asked my sponsor today why can't my sobriety be like The Matrix? I am frustrated right now because I have a ton of willingness and desire to have emotional sobriety but no idea how to get it. As a child of the rapid information transmission age I am quite impatient for the changes I think I need and want. In The Matrix, our young hero Neo would find himself in a jam and just call up for a program to be downloaded into him. He would just sit there and twitch as he was programed with helicopter pilot instructions, kung fu and any skill he felt was lacking at the moment. If he wanted I'll bet he could have become more musically gifted than Mozart. I think of this and pray, "God just get in my brain and fix it so I can be happy, helpful and useful for all the loved ones in my life." Want to know what the problem with that is? I'm not a computer. I'm a human that was made just the way He wants me. My brain may be computer like but I have been given a soul which learns through real life experience and contact with God. A computer can display images of beautiful scenery, but it never smiles and weeps over the pure beauty of a sunset on the Rocky Mountains. A computer can describe how the game of soccer is played or show diagrams of the perfect softball swing. But that computer will never feel the exhilaration and joy as my little girl puts the ball in the back of the net or makes effortless contact between bat and ball. A computer can go to utube and show a reel of Swan Lake, but it would never have a single tear as my baby girl beams and prances about in her tutu. A computer can help you find a date on match.com, but it can never feel the butterflies in the pit of your stomach as you lock eyes with your soul mate from across the room for the first time. A computer can help you write and find the right words to say for a eulogy. However, it definitely can not publicly display the emotion of pain for a lost mother. To have these wonderful gifts one must be human. Slower processes but infinitely greater gifts. Today and every day I need to pray for the patience required to learn in God's time and on his terms.
Fish
2 comments:
Pg 52: Show any longshoreman a Sunday supplement describing a proposal to explore the moon by means of a rocket and he will say, "I bet they do it -- maybe not so long either." Is not our age characterized by the ease with which we discard old ideas for new, by the complete readiness with which we throw away the theory or gadget which does not work for something new which does?
Computer, Cellphone, Blackberry... What's next God? Is it possible?
That concept to them back in the 30s was as ridiculous as a belief in the possibility that God could download a program to allow you to become (fill in the blank) miraculously with the snap of fingers just like Neo.
But, you're sober today and that happened in a microsecond... that microsecond that you gave up enough power to become sober. That microsecond when you believed in the possibility that you may never take another drink.
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE... half measures availed me nothing, so I have to believe in the full measure to get the relief I so desperately seek.
The question for me is, what am I willing to give up to get there?
So far, the Truth is...just one more thing.
What am I holding on to so tight that I just can't quite get there?
Just one more thing.
Thanks for this. Your post came at the end of an incredibly spiritual day, a day where I just got to do the third step with another hopeless drunk, and where I'm in just the right mood to believe that anything is possible... because I am sober tonight, and so is just one more.
Thanks for bringing God to me tonight. YOU ROCK!
Great post T. You are not a machine and it shows. I pray you get that patience you seek and with it will come so many other gifts, just as you declare here. Your focus is so right on! Hang in. J.
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