Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater

Yet again I have been away too long. My in laws have been visiting my family and company seems to take away all free time. This trip for them was my first opportunity to work my amends with them. I didn't come right out and say, "I'm on a new path with the help of AA and I'm sorry for any distress I may have caused you knowing your daughter was married to an alcoholic like me." (However, that is how I played it out in my head in one long run on sentance:) They were aware that I was going to meetings and had been sober for just over a year, but that was about it. I thought the best way for me to show them that things were better now, for their daughter and grandchildren, was to be subservient and subdued as best as I could be. Unfortunately, that's not my normal demeanor and basically not me. My father in law was up every day early having coffee as I proudly raced off each morning to home group. "Again? You just went yesterday", he said surprised but not condemning. I was so greatful to show proof of how dedicated I was. He probably didn't think twice about it, to this drunks disappoitment, because it's not all about me. As their visit went on we got to talk about my kids and what issues and challenges they had. I expressed great worry about my oldest daughter because I see too much of myself in her. She is always intense and trips over herself trying to make sure everybody approves of her. He said, "That's O.K. you two are intense people but look at what gets done because you guys are that way." He put his hand on my shoulder and added, "This world needs people like you in it!" I smiled and walked away because my eyes welled up with tears of relief. From that point on I came out of my self imposed shell to show all the extroverted, gregarious sides of my personality. Several laughs ensued amongst us after that. When their trip ended and we were shuttling them to the airport he turned to me in the car with a smile. "Tony, I want to wish you continued success with your group class thing you are involved with", he said in his most proper baritone voice. After they left I thought long and hard about all of the things that I have been trying to throw out for fear that everything about me was a character defect. Maybe that has been my problem all along. I have been the one deciding what is a defect instead of letting God decide. I'll try and have faith that He will let me know what is of value and what isn't. But mostly, how best to use it in service to Him!
Love ya miss ya

Monday, February 2, 2009

I'm back!

Wow been a while. Feels like I do when I am missing from home group for a while. I didn't know that my blogging had become so much a part of my treatment plan. I'm fortunate enough to know a blogging friend of ours in the real world and she keeps an eye on me. When I see her I'm reminded that I need to say hello to you all out there. I haven't been moved to write anything lately but I'll just let you in on my top 10 thankful for list for today.
10. I have recently been asked to be a sponsor.
9. The lessons of my first sponsor have been echoing louder in my head as I try to pass them on.
8. I have a new sponsor who I am learning new things from.
7. No compulsion to drink at a Superbowl party last night.
6. I am on vacation from work.
5. I have a job I have remained successful at even though I have this disease.
4. I attended a great funeral in support of a coworker and was able to be touched by a life I never knew.
3. I'm blessed to be the parent of two incredible personalities that teach me so much about myself.
2. I just had my 10yr wedding anniversary and year 11 looks like it is off to a great start.
1. I'm a sober member of A.A.