Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Two sides of the same coin?

I in no way mean any disrespect or injury to codependents of alcoholics and abusive relationships. But I have a big question that is gnawing at me. Can I be a codependent as well as an alcoholic? Is there such thing as a codaholic? My wife is a friend of Lois W. and discusses her recovery experience with me freely. Unfortunately, I'm only one of her many alcoholic relationships in her life. From what I'm told she even brags on me to her home group because I'm the only drunk in her life trying to get better. Here is the kicker... I REALLY relate to what she is going through. Aside from her I don't really have any non alcoholic friends. My family is chuck full of abusive personalities and would be considered dry drunks by anybody in either program. My new adopted family are all recovering alcoholics as well. So do I find a different group from my wife? Does Al anon allow crossovers? Is there a special branch of AA for tweeners? I hear about members of my home group going to the other meetings but I'm honestly afraid I'll get stoned in the parking lot when they find me out. (with rocks not pot) The reason I ask is that the closest alcoholic relationship to me is all but finished and I'm sick about what to do. Any and all suggestions, advice or perspectives would be welcome. Unlike my home group, "crosstalk" is encouraged here.
Trying to,


Banana Girl said...

Fishie babie,
I don't have all the answers to the many questions you pose, but one comes to mind for me. I have no trust in the term "co-dependent" either in its definition or its applicaton. Co implies equal and there is no semblence of that in the application of such a dependency. I find the term "over dependent" a better one and in full recognition that our dependencies are normal, natural, and can ebb and flow. The difficulties arise when we over use and abuse the dependency for our selfish ends and means. I would love to have the gazillions of dollars people have spent in therapy trying not to be dependent all the while asking for help. I think it laughable that we cannot and current psychology will not allow us to realize this is growth and recognition and a continual transformation of each and every realtionship. The Steps prove it to me each and every day and so long as you are sober and honest and humble and willing and open...how then can such dependencies be anything other than connecting in full partnership with other humans who love us. I am rambling but I hope this makes some sense. Go see SYD on my link column, Al anoner. May have some wisdom for you. J

RipGurl said...

Ouch Tony! It is such a pain when friendships are on the rocks. I wish I could take the pain away for you. Although I know if I did that I would take away the growth. Yoga has taught me that through the struggle we reach higher plains of understanding. It is in these moments that Enlightenment occurs.

I was riding my bike up a hill last Saturday that I usually stand up to add the extra leverage of my weight. I usually rock up the hill, focused on the struggle. This time I stayed in the saddle and poured energy into my muscles by using my breath. As I am doing this, I notice a dainty little purple flower growing out of the blacktop. I would have missed it had I not focused my energies. I am now learning to be more efficient in how I get up that hill. I expend less energy and can notice the flowers. Just in the nick of time as this body starts to get old.

So sit back in the saddle and work with the struggle. Something beautiful is likely to happen. Sorry, had to throw that free advise in.

I hope you are having a grand time on the Thompson. You deserve it! Happy Father's Day! And don't feel guilty for not making it over to your blog. It is your diary and you can write anytime you want. I often keep track of you (stalk you) by popping into Facebook. I also get your feed from FB on my Twitter account. Anybody that wants to hear from you can make the effort to meet you where you are.

With love,
your cuz

Syd said...

Fish, you are most welcome in Al-Anon. You are what we call a "double winner", both an alkie and a codie. Come on over my friend. The only thing about Al-Anon is that the alkies don't talk about AA or AA literature but keep the focus on themselves and their issues around the alcoholism of others in their life. So yes, you are welcome to be in both fellowships.