Sunday, June 14, 2009

Long time no talk

Hi I missed you. I was realizing that my cousin Ripgurl was probably about at the 1 year mark and I had to check out her blog calendar to see. Watch her blog and give her a shout if you can. Sadly I must admit that I have been taken away from this forum because of my need for immediate response. I have been sucked into all of the nonsense called Facebook. I like to call it the time vampire. Even though I have several members from my home group in my friends list it is really a poor substitute for this. Banana Girl has been around to point out how much time I spend on FB and not here. Sheepishly I have to admit that I arrive back here on my blog because my heart hurts from a fracturing relationship with my best friend. He moved his family across the street from mine and our excitement about all of the great possibilities have been dashed as our kids and wives have come to an impasse. In the past when shit would hit the fan between us the solution was always a good old male bonding drunk fest, finished with a sobbing game of, "You're My Best Friend Man." Now that's off of the table. I am trying to take the understanding, love and tolerance approach with his family and still maintain my family's necessary boundaries but that is easier said than done. I recognize my current feelings of restless irritable and discontent from my first 90 days of sobriety. One of the things that helped was being introduced to you all here by our friend BG. Another was gratitude lists. So here is one I should have done a while ago.

1. Drawing nearly 18 months of sober breaths.
2. My 1st 12 step opportunity just celebrated her first year!
3. My home group who seem to draw closer to me as my old drinking friendships fade.
4. My old drinking friendships who are now also my sober friendships. Love ya RC,Rubble and Paulie.
5. Being able to apply the AA 12 steps to quit smoking for the last 10 weeks.
6. My vegetable garden that allows me to think of all the metaphors gardening has with sobriety. When Bill W. wrote the 4th step he had to have been pulling weeds.
7. I bought my first bible in 35 years. It is a recovery themed bible with countless devotional messages pertaining to recovery.
8. Being well employed in the midst of this economy when so many are not.
9. Facebook because it has put me in touch with people whom I owe amends and connected me with old friends who are now also friends of Bill W.
10. Spending some of the best family time with all my girls that I can ever remember. That closed door of friendship with my buddy has put me and my family together like never before.
Thanks God


Syd said...

Fish, glad to see you back here. I found that sometimes old friendships just change. I had to let go of one after I got into the program too. The dynamics of our friendship changed. I changed. It all changed. Hang in there and enjoy your day.

Banana Girl said...

Wahoo! You're back. You know, there is no reason you men can't go for a walk and be friends. Women and kids can get complicated, but it will pass. It may be more complicated than this, but perhaps if you and he show these girls how important you are to each other they may find a way to make each other important to one another even in just a little way.

Fishstyx said...

I agree completely BG but he is not game for it. Frankly I am beginning to accept the possibility that my change in lifestyle is going to be the end of this friendship. Largely because I have started to see how unhealthy my behavior has been as his friend. I know we aren't supposed to hand out diagnosses to other drunks but knowing what I know now I just can't help but to spot it in others. As my wife reports her lessons from Alanon I feel a kindred spirit with her. Is it possible to be a codaholic? I might have to make my new post about that.