Why does night time have to be so hard? Why does any of this have to be? Lately, all I have found to be easy is a moment in time each day at 6:45am. Upon Awakening home group. For this drunk it is nothing short of paradise. Bad jokes, bad coffee, stale donuts, stale drunks, peace, love and understanding. Then poof it all disappears and I'm there left to face this thing alone. I have come a long way only to realize that I have only reached the top of a false peak. It was a long and exhausting climb to here but now before me is yet another peak to climb. The terrain doesn't look any better either. I don't want to quit this life yet and I am not afraid of a good challenging test. But, can't I just get a second to catch a breath? I know this is all just emotional vomit. I'm just really in a funk and pity party and I can't seem to find the doorway out. Still sober and that's good but man do I really hate myself and this disease lately. Mostly because I've been such an asshole to live with and the people who make me the happiest run, duck and hide from me. The grouch and the brainstorm are living here lately. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but if it does, this drunk could use some advice. And, some sleep. I'll check you all tomorrow.
Fish
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9 comments:
Boy can I relate!!!! I had a tantrum last night and I should have been elated about the new president. Instead I yelled at the kids. All I can say is I would hate to the president right now.
Hugs,
C.
By the way, P. is becoming quite the drummer. He gave up playing his guitar last year. Perhaps he has found his true talent, thanks to RockBand.
hey i think you need to take some of your own advice. stop and breath in and breath out, nothing will be better back down that dark road. call any time you need to.
love ya
rich
Take a deep breath and give yourself some credit for hanging in there. We all go through these funks and need to get out of our own headspace and breathe some fresh air.
Ask AA friends out for coffee and talk to them about the fears and anxieties, plan a treat in the near futire so you have something to look forward to -- and don't be hard on yourself.
xxMary
I'm not a drunk but still get in the pity party mode. I was told to "lower my expectations until I get what I want". I listened to that and felt better.
we just read tonight in Step 8
"What happens when we wallow in depression, self-pity oozing from every pore and inflict that upon those about us?" pg 81
I'm guilty..all the time...and why is it I can have such compassion for my fellow alcoholics but my poor family...what I have learned as trite as it might sound is ...and this too shall pass. And it will and the steps help it along...
I love my morning meeting too..
Thanks for your support.
If you stay sober, it will pass. I can't tell you how many days I've been right where you are holding onto step one, screw all the other steps, just for today,just one step that's all. And growth comes through pain and hard times so if you stay sober you will grow from it and it will be easier to get through next time. not easy, just easier. And I promise you there will be a next time. So when you hear 'this too shall pass' remember it in the good times and be grateful for every minute.
Blog<>CounterBlog... sorry so long.
Great comments and sugesstions here indeed. I have felt this too, but if you stay sober it too shall pass.
All things change...my sponsor has reminded me on a few ocassions that I am not alone, I will never be alone. You are not alone.
Hang in there.
Love ya,
G
Perhaps a gratitude list is in order? Just a thought. Remember, you cannot do this alone. Sounds like you may be trying to. Ask Him. He's there. J.
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