Here I sit 373 days sober. Had a great 1 year meeting a few days ago. My home group had wonderful things to say about me in front of my family and best friend, who attended their 1st meeting in my honor. I am struck at this point with a ton of gratitude for my gifts that I have before and after sobriety. However I find myself in a low spot. Why? Because I have great hurt in my heart for people whom I love that are still suffering from the same affliction I had. When the wreckage I caused sent my life in a downward spiral I would curse God and say, "Why me?" Now I have cleared the drinking problem and have the opportunity to work on my spiritual salvation and continue working on my emotional sobriety. As I reflect on the reprieve I am given I now beg God, "Why me?" My wife who loves me and sees the best in me becomes irritated and says, "Because, why NOT you?" I have barely been able to save my own skin but somehow I find it justifiable to ride around on my white horse rescuing all the drunks I know and love. All the while I can't just feel good and deserving about my own sobriety. My sponsor at this point would invoke the description, "Egomaniac with an inferiority complex." Please feel free to shed any light on this if you please. Love and tolerance is our code. I think today I'll pray to apply that to the drunk I know the best.
God be with us today
Fish
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
T: Just remember this is a program of attraction, not promotion. Your horse needs a rest and I think maybe the white knight does too. It is God's job to save them, not yours. You can tell, when asked, pray when bothered, and seek more for your own program to remain sober. That is it. You are worthy of this great and glorious life, my friend and so I agree with your wife, Why not you? You only had to make the decision to save yourself. You cannot make that decision for anyone else and their suffering is part of the solution. Isn't that, after all, the immense suffering, what got you in the doors in the first place? I know it wasn't our "free party" sign. hahaha Take it easy on yourself. Breathe in, breathe out. LU J.
I think your thirst to save others is commendable. But as the airlines tell us, we must first put the air mask on ourselves before we can save others. I see you with immense abilities and you have already put your air mask on. Just don't let it slip off...
Thanks for reaching out to me. I am sure you are doing the same for many others. God bless.
Two things I was taught about me and God:
1. Don't question His motives.
2. Don't put limits on His Power.
Did I say TWO? Liar that I am!
3. Let go and LET Him.
Hope it helps...it did help ME. -grin
I can relate..but guilt is just a pit stop for us to a new lesson.
Thank you for sharing.
I never feel like I am doing enough to help others. Each time a sponsee slips or chooses to go back out, I feel responsible.
My sponsor tells me it's an ego thing. I guess I still wanna be God and fix everything.
It's all part of growing and changing and being on this journey of recovery. Working with others is the best way to stay sober. It does hurt to watch others struggle and be incapable of helping them. However, that pain teaches us about ourselves.
Glad your sober and reaching out to others. That's what keeps us growing.
Hi, Fishstyx
I remember well the "save the world syndrome" of my early sobriety. This too shall pass. My solution was intensive work with other self identified alcoholics, and with my sponsors help. My life today is full of prospects while I work with other alcoholics keeps me grounded. "I didn't get here because is saw the light, I got here because I felt the heat"
Have a Happy Trudge on this Road of Happy Destiny
Sometimes just showing up is what helps others.
Lots of times when newcomers are in their first few months of going to meetings, they walk in and see a familiar face and get that "ahhh, I'm in the right spot" feeling. A familiar face in a meeting brings more comfort to people than lots of profound sharing at times.
Post a Comment